Well, well, well. It’s been a long time since I posted anything, so what better way to get back into it than with an award nomination?
Nicole from Just a Belfast Girl is one of my main internet bitches, and co-conspirator for many disturbing money making schemes. She’s nominated me for this award like an absolute diamond. Cheers, lad. Cheque’s in the post. If you haven’t checked out her blog, go and do it, because it’s better than mine.
- Thank your nominator and provide a link to their blog
- Post the Award on your blog
- Write 11 random facts about yourself
- Give an answer to all 11 questions the nominator asked
- Nominate 11 other bloggers (this award is meant for new, upcoming bloggers)
- Come up with 11 new questions for your nominee
11 Facts About Me
Thanks for nominating me in something where I have to consider aspects of my life other than my shitty mental health. Nice one. I’ll try to think of eleven things but I think we can all appreciate they are going to be about as far from interesting as we can get.
- When I was a toddler I fell off a child-sized deck chair, cracked my head on the patio, and had to have it glued back together. I’ve got no recollection of this nor have I ever seen the scar, but I expect it has a lot to do with my development into a cretin.
- I didn’t get my ears pierced until I was sixteen. Now I have fourteen piercings despite being a woman in my thirties.
- Similarly, I didn’t get my first tattoo until I was 28. I currently have six.
- In my younger years I photobombed the cast of Hollyoaks having their Christmas party at the same gaff as my work. My friend and I featured in a Daily Mail (shudder) paparazzi shot.
- I used to play the piano and clarinet when I was younger, I taught myself guitar, and I had singing lessons. Now I can barely remember how to read music and sound like a diseased owl when I sing.
- My feet are a size seven which isn’t huge but they’ve been this size since I was a skinny 12-year-old. I looked like Sideshow Bob.
- Last year, my friend and I went to see the band Reef (she’s a huge fan) and we ended up drinking whiskey with them on the street before they departed on their tour bus. I don’t know why.
- My sister and I both have matching cat scratch scars on our chest from the early days of trying to force the family cat to love us.
- I am chronically clumsy and am forever walking into things, knocking things over, spilling things on myself, and tripping over my own feet.
- The Hebrides Overture by my boi Mendelssohn is one of my favourite pieces of music ever.
- I’ve got quite a good memory for song lyrics and birthdays. I’m not ashamed to know practically every lyric to the entire Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water album by Limp Bizkit. I’m actually rather proud.
- What is your favourite scary movie?
My own sex tape.
Well if you’re going to make me choose I’d say Dawn of the Dead, Day of the Dead, 28 Days Later, REC, and Julia’s Eyes.
- If you could time travel, where would you go?
What a terrible concept. The world is hideous right now, but it’s not like things have ever been much better. Maybe I’d go back to 1987 to witness my own birth, burst into the hospital like ‘AAAAYYYY’ and just see what happened.
- If you could have any superpower, what would it be and why?
I’d say to read people’s minds but I think that would cause me a lot more trouble than it’s worth. Being super strong would probably be pretty cool, because then when men annoyed me I could actually show them who’s boss.
- Which of your personality traits have gotten you in the most trouble, and why?
Probably my chronic inability to actually say what I’m thinking or feeling. Not necessarily in trouble with others, but with myself. It’s caused a lot of unnecessary trauma and drama. With others, though, I’ve got a gob on me when I’m drunk which has caused some potentially hairy situations.
- What is the most cheesy pick up line you’ve had? Did it work?
Ha. I’ll preface this by saying I have very, very rarely been ‘chatted up’. It just doesn’t happen. I don’t know if it’s resting bitch face or the palpable aura of anxiety, but for the most part I get about fairly unscathed. I don’t know I’ve ever had a ‘line’. Some guy once came up to me at the end of a night in a club in Leeds and handed me a piece of paper with his number on that actually said ‘Call me’. Probably not, mate.
- Would you rather burp loudly every time you kiss someone (or something), or drool when you talk?
Interesting. The talk-drooling would make people far less likely to want to kiss me, but perhaps that would be a good vetting system? The mental image I have of that is funnier, so I’ll go for that.
- If you could ask your pet (or a pet you are close to if you don’t have one) three questions other than,”Do you love me?” What would they be and why?
Oooh okay. I would ask, “Are you happy and comfortable?”, “Do you know you’re really cute?”, and “Can I do anything differently for you my sweet furry child?”. Being a tiny little demon, I can only imagine that hamster would answer “No,” “Yes,” and “Yes – please leave me alone”.
- What movie sequel do you wish you could erase from history and why was it so bad for you?
Anchorman 2 was pretty shite, to my recollection. I’m not sure there are many sequels that have out and out offended me, although anything after Land of the Dead (and that’s being generous) in the Romero series isn’t worth bothering with. Sorry, George.
- What is the worst book (not a school book! Nice try, though!) you have ever read and why did you hate it so much?
I started to read Catch 22 and got really bored. I don’t think that’s the worst, though. I once read a novel written by Edwina Currie – I couldn’t tell you what it was called or what it was about, but I can tell you it was totally shit. Oh, the Da Vinci Code was also terrible, couldn’t finish that, and I tried to read 50 Shades of Grey but nearly expired from, like, whatever the opposite of being turned on is.
- What fictional character do you wish you could meet?
Oh, good one. Maybe Thor, specifically the modern Chris Hemsworth interpretation, AM I RIGHT LADIES?! Ugh. Sorry about that.
If I’m allowed two, I’ll say Tim and Daisy from Spaced so I could make them my friends, worm my way into the Spaced universe, and never leave.
- If your life was a soundtrack with 15 – 20 songs what would the songs be and what would you call the album?
Oh, man. Okay. In no particular order:
Lamb of God – Remorse is for the Dead
Eminem – Role Model
Simple Minds – Don’t You Forget About Me
Skindred – Warning
Tool – Schism
Metallica – Creeping Death
MOP – Ante Up
Limp Bizkit – Rollin’
The Distillers – Hall of Mirrors
Stevie Nicks – Edge of Seventeen
DJ Shadow – The Number Song
Manic Street Preachers – Faster
The Offspring – Cool to Hate
Skylar Grey – Coming Home (Pt 2)
Fenix TX – Phoebe Cates
It would, of course, be called ‘How to Lose Friends and Annoy People through Song’.
Well, there you have it. In the spirit of honesty and in keeping with every time I get nominated to do something, I can’t actually be bothered to think of any questions nor anyone to nominate. I’m so arrogant that I assume learning all about me is enough for people, quite frankly.
Thanks Nicole for nominating me, despite my poor efforts in continuing the chain.
Stay tuned, perhaps, for a proper blog post coming soon-ish… Until then, keep it real.