1. Land that is uncultivated or barren
2. An area that is devastated, as by flood, storm, or war
3. Something, as a period of history, phase of existence, or locality, that is spiritually or intellectually barren
When I described my mind as a wasteland to my psychologist, I hadn’t looked up the dictionary definition. I didn’t realise how accurate it was. The intention was to provide a metaphor (a long, extended metaphor as it turns out) for how I saw my mind, what I thought was in it, and how it made me feel.
This description turned out to be fairly useful for communicating the impact of my long term mental health issues on my identity. I’ve spent so long being wrapped up in them, there was nothing else left inside.
This place, this wasteland, needs some love. It needs some nourishment, some tending, in order for the tiny seeds I’ve planted to grow. Seeds that might help me to establish myself without the ever present shadow of mental ill health, to grow into something else.
This blog is a place where I’ll share my journey, experiences and any little sprouts that have helped me gain some insight into who I might be. I won’t ever claim to be qualified enough to give advice; everyone’s story is unique and painfully personal.
For anyone who does stumble across me in my wasteland, though – hello. Stay a while and see if you recognise anything, see if anything I have to say makes you feel a little less alone, or even makes you laugh. I’m blessed with a quick wit and childish sense of humour, so you never know.